Things are changing.  Drastically.  No one knows what’s going to happen, where we will end up, how to make sense of it all. Us humans, we love to judge, categorize and place things in historical context so we can feel like we know stuff about stuff.

-kewl mullato president

-financial crisis

-internet is killin it

-earth is dying

I’m not sure whether to claw my way to the cutting edge of communications and make trillions or to head for the highlands and shack up on a self sufficient farm and learn how to use a gun.  Too easy to just carry on biz as usual, but to my detriment?  Think I’m gonna go ponder this for a sec, drink some boxed water with Carles and wallow in existentialism.

2.) Sign me up!

2.) If only advertisers could use their brilliance for good rather than evil.

Brevity is a virtue.

This is a collection of short short stories consisting of just six words. It was inspired by Ernest Hemingway’s famous challenge.

Six Word Stories will include stories by famous people, reader submissions, myself, and the Internet at large.”

This is the second installment in the ‘make it stop’ series (first seen in my previous blog) which began with the tragedy known as ’shutter shades’.  This is somewhat related (ie both are utilized and subsequently bastardized, exploited, and done do death by sir Kanye West).

I would argue that use of the vocoder was ONLY acceptable in the classic ‘Computer Love’ by Zapp & Roger:

And MAYBE even in California Love (also featuring Roger).

Guys like T-Pain and Kanye, arguably considered the ‘hitmakers’ of today, use autotune, the modernized vocoder, throughout their ENTIRE albums, creating a chain reaction of autotune crossover to the point where Britney and other talentless ’singers’ have started using it to camouflage their embarrassingly unqualified pipes.  I shouldn’t go so far as to say ‘talentless’, I mean, she’s an entertainer, and her and those pussycat dolls and the other tartlet popstars of today sure know how to stick out their tatas, shake their booties, and get their hair extensions caught up in their headset mics like they don’t even give a care!

(Side note/tangent – I wanna know what happened to chicks like Salt N’ Pepa and Envogue who had us singing Shoop and Whatta Man!)

Now I turn on the radio (just to you know, see what it’s come to these days) and EVERY god damn song is autotuned.  Roger is spinning in his grave (wait, is he still alive?  Sorry man).

I got several suggestions:  Jason Mraz, Black Kids, The Virgins, Ludacris, and The Very Best.

I’d heard some of them before, but the one that caught my attention the most was The Very Best, which is a collaboration between this singer from Malawi named Esau Mwamwaya and Radioclit.  It’s basically a bunch of remixes and mash ups with this guy singing in his native language.  It’s pretty different and awesome.

Plus, you can download the whole album for free on their myspace!!!

http://www.myspace.com/theverybestmyspace

In the middle of the news conference with Mr Maliki, Iraqi television journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi stood up and shouted “this is a goodbye kiss from the Iraqi people, dog,” before hurling a shoe at Mr Bush which narrowly missed him.

Showing the soles of shoes to someone is a sign of contempt in Arab culture.

Muntadar al-Zaidi was quickly wrestled to the ground and hauled away

With his second shoe, which the president also managed to dodge, Mr Zaidi said: “This is for the widows and orphans and all those killed in Iraq.”

Mr Zaidi, a correspondent for Cairo-based al-Baghdadiya TV, was then wrestled to the ground by security personnel and hauled away.

“If you want the facts, it’s a size 10 shoe that he threw,” Mr Bush joked afterwards.

Al-Baghdadiya’s bureau chief told the Associated Press that he had no idea what prompted Mr Zaidi to attack President Bush, although reports say he was once kidnapped by a militia and beaten up.

“I am trying to reach Muntadar since the incident, but in vain,” said Fityan Mohammed. “His phone is switched off.”

Correspondents said the attack was symbolic. Iraqis threw shoes and used them to beat Saddam Hussein’s statue after his overthrow.

Watch the awesome video here.

I would like to take this opportunity to nominate what I believe to be the absolute worst, most offensive Christmas song of all time.

Merry Muthafuckin’ Christmas – by Eazy E

(from www.mp3lyrics.org – these were the most decipherable and accurate lyrics for this song I could find)

[Uncle Dolamite]
Come on over hunnie
and give your uncle Dolamite a kiss
[*kissing Sounds*]
well what you want baby?

[Baby]
Would you tell me a story?

[Uncle Dolamite]
You want me to tell you a story?

[Baby]
Hell yeah!

[Other Baby]
Me too!

[Uncle Dolamite]
Yes Hunnie I’m a tell you a story
about the bad ass Eazy-E
he was drinkin’ whisky and gin
at the age of three
listen and listen well
he’s a bad Muthafu-

[Mother]
Gimmie that god damn book!
here let me read you this one
Christmas in Compton
It was a silent night,
yes a holy night
until Mr. Claus turned
into Santa
muthafuckin’ Wright?

[Carolers]
Deck the halls with balls of holy
fa la la la la la la la la
tis the season to be jolly….

[Eazy-E]
Merry Chrismas muthafucka!
[*Gun Shots*]
Merry muthafuckin’
Christmas and a ho ho ho!
while I’m ridin’ that cock
under the mistletoe
now dashin’ through the snow
in a candy rag top 6-4
over the hills I go
laughin’ at this ho
nuts on her chin ring
makin’ me feel right
oh what fun it is to know
that I’m gonna get the pussy tonight
so ring them bells, ring them bells
shes takin’ it all the way
oh what fun it is to
watch her suck my dick
this way
hey ring them bells, ring them bells
she’s takin’ it all the way
oh what fun it is to
nut, while she’s suckin’
my dick
oh yay!
tis the season to get bicked
compton crime lick
and I’m smokin’ all this shit.

[Santa]
Ho ho ho come sit on my face
I mean lap and tell me what
you want for Chrismas
ho ho.

[Menajahtwa]
I want a sleigh ride
a cd player
a fifty rum
??? and I’m gonna cum
a VCR ???? some porno flicks
rudolph the red nose reindick
??? like a everlastin’ gobstoper
??? poppa
I dig a ho
crack a dough
by the nuts oh
???? fuckin’ in tha snow
I made him drop to his knees
yeah you know whats up
I said heres some candy
canes eat’em up
???? bon a petite with a
condom in nut tree.

[]
All I want for Chrismas is
my two front teeth
my two front teeth, my two front teeth
All I want for Chrismas is
my two front teeth
yo wheres ya rhyme tell me Buckwheat.

[Buck wheat]
Buckwheat is a wascal
that stole Christmas
and all the toys, boys and girls
fuck ya wishes
I got happy overjoyed in
this muthafucka
no indo under my tree so
Santa be a sucka
??? when I was young I
was the only kid
who had enough guts to be
good ole hearin’ on the East
I’d stay awake just to
let america know
that Santa was a fake
I used to believe in
Saint Dick when Elvis
was alive
but all that fuckin’
bullshit got played when
I was five
years old just a young bull titan
singin’ Silent Night,
Carolin’ Recitin’
now all I want for Chrismas
is my endo wreath
I got my two front teeth
uncle Eazy be the ????
just spread me a leaf
little kids don’t cry
when you find out Santa
Claus is just a fuckin’
lie.

[Eazy-E]
On the first day of
Christmas my homeboys
gave to me
three pounds of indo
two birds of cocaine
and a A muthafuckin’ K bitch.

[]
Eazy-E oh Eazy-E
show us how you treat those bitches
I saw mommy fuckin’ Eazy Claus.

[Eazy-E]
close the door little bitch
Or get these drawers.

[]
I’m a tell my daddy if
ya ass don’t stop.

[Eazy-E]
I don’t give a fuck
I’m gettin’ Christmas cock
ho ho ho and away I go.

[]
Oh Saint Nick’s got a dick like a pole
well wheres my shit
This mother fucker’s cheap

[Eazy-E]
Shut the fuck up bitches
and go back to sleep.

[]
Yo black what you want for Christmas?
yo black I want a job
??? corn on the cob
but a nigga will eat them chicken, and
chitlens, watermelon, corn
bread and some food
who’s climbin’ into my window
smokin’ that indo
my carin’ and high make a high know
Yo yo get out my fuckin’
yard with your carols
Yo black what you want for Christmas?
yo black I want some cash
so I can buy some indo,
chronic and some hash.

[]
a rump pa pum pum
a rump pa pum pum

[Every One]
Merry Muthafuckin’ Christmas
Merry Muthafuckin’ Christmas
Merry Muthafuckin’ Christmas
and have a fucked up new year (x4)

[Eazy-E]
You
Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!

[Mother]
And they all went to prison
and lived fucked up lives ever after
The End

This chick’s totally e-barfing. No srsly.

Photo courtesy of Facebook lurking.