OMG! WTF?

the very best

Grey Poopon — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 18:58:59 +0000

So, like a lot of kids this Christmas, I received an iTunes gift card. Yes, I pay for my music if I really like the artist, so I definitely appreciated the gift. I had no idea what to download, so I posed the question to my facebook pals.

I got several suggestions: Jason Mraz, Black Kids, The Virgins, Ludacris, and The Very Best.

I’d heard some of them before, but the one that caught my attention the most was The Very Best, which is a collaboration between this singer from Malawi named Esau Mwamwaya and Radioclit. It’s basically a bunch of remixes and mash ups with this guy singing in his native language. It’s pretty different and awesome.

Plus, you can download the whole album for free on their myspace!!!

http://www.myspace.com/theverybestmyspace

hot for teacher

Grey Poopon — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 03:39:22 +0000

This is the coolest thing I’ve found on the internet today. Gotta give this chick props for reaching out to horny young ESL lads everywhere and offering her free expertise on the English language and the origins and meanings of an extensive variety of words. Kinda reminds me of when Van Wilder and Taj make a killing off charging kids for using their ‘Topless Tutors’ service, except HotForWords is way awesomer because it’s free. The Russian accent is the icing on the cake.

a goodbye kiss from the Iraqi people, dog

Grey Poopon — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:50:37 +0000

From the BBC:

In the middle of the news conference with Mr Maliki, Iraqi television journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi stood up and shouted “this is a goodbye kiss from the Iraqi people, dog,” before hurling a shoe at Mr Bush which narrowly missed him.

Showing the soles of shoes to someone is a sign of contempt in Arab culture.

Muntadar al-Zaidi was quickly wrestled to the ground and hauled away

With his second shoe, which the president also managed to dodge, Mr Zaidi said: “This is for the widows and orphans and all those killed in Iraq.”

Mr Zaidi, a correspondent for Cairo-based al-Baghdadiya TV, was then wrestled to the ground by security personnel and hauled away.

“If you want the facts, it’s a size 10 shoe that he threw,” Mr Bush joked afterwards.

Al-Baghdadiya’s bureau chief told the Associated Press that he had no idea what prompted Mr Zaidi to attack President Bush, although reports say he was once kidnapped by a militia and beaten up.

“I am trying to reach Muntadar since the incident, but in vain,” said Fityan Mohammed. “His phone is switched off.”

Correspondents said the attack was symbolic. Iraqis threw shoes and used them to beat Saddam Hussein’s statue after his overthrow.

Watch the awesome video here.

The Most Offensive Christmas Song Ever

Grey Poopon — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 18:41:06 +0000

I was going to rifle off a list of the worst Christmas songs ever, which would have been populated with some pretty obvious ones, like 8 Days of Christmas by Destiny’s Child (‘on the eighth day of Christmas by baby gave to me a pair of Chloe shades and a diamond belly ring‘). Or on the complete opposite side of the consumerism spectrum there’s the old fav that makes you feel like an asshole for having a good time with your egg nog and turkey dinner Do They Know It’s Christmas by Band Aid (‘where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears, and the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom, well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you’)

I would like to take this opportunity to nominate what I believe to be the absolute worst, most offensive Christmas song of all time.

Merry Muthafuckin’ Christmas - by Eazy E

(from www.mp3lyrics.org - these were the most decipherable and accurate lyrics for this song I could find)

[Uncle Dolamite]
Come on over hunnie
and give your uncle Dolamite a kiss
[*kissing Sounds*]
well what you want baby?

[Baby]
Would you tell me a story?

[Uncle Dolamite]
You want me to tell you a story?

[Baby]
Hell yeah!

[Other Baby]
Me too!

[Uncle Dolamite]
Yes Hunnie I’m a tell you a story
about the bad ass Eazy-E
he was drinkin’ whisky and gin
at the age of three
listen and listen well
he’s a bad Muthafu-

[Mother]
Gimmie that god damn book!
here let me read you this one
Christmas in Compton
It was a silent night,
yes a holy night
until Mr. Claus turned
into Santa
muthafuckin’ Wright?

[Carolers]
Deck the halls with balls of holy
fa la la la la la la la la
tis the season to be jolly….

[Eazy-E]
Merry Chrismas muthafucka!
[*Gun Shots*]
Merry muthafuckin’
Christmas and a ho ho ho!
while I’m ridin’ that cock
under the mistletoe
now dashin’ through the snow
in a candy rag top 6-4
over the hills I go
laughin’ at this ho
nuts on her chin ring
makin’ me feel right
oh what fun it is to know
that I’m gonna get the pussy tonight
so ring them bells, ring them bells
shes takin’ it all the way
oh what fun it is to
watch her suck my dick
this way
hey ring them bells, ring them bells
she’s takin’ it all the way
oh what fun it is to
nut, while she’s suckin’
my dick
oh yay!
tis the season to get bicked
compton crime lick
and I’m smokin’ all this shit.

[Santa]
Ho ho ho come sit on my face
I mean lap and tell me what
you want for Chrismas
ho ho.

[Menajahtwa]
I want a sleigh ride
a cd player
a fifty rum
??? and I’m gonna cum
a VCR ???? some porno flicks
rudolph the red nose reindick
??? like a everlastin’ gobstoper
??? poppa
I dig a ho
crack a dough
by the nuts oh
???? fuckin’ in tha snow
I made him drop to his knees
yeah you know whats up
I said heres some candy
canes eat’em up
???? bon a petite with a
condom in nut tree.

[]
All I want for Chrismas is
my two front teeth
my two front teeth, my two front teeth
All I want for Chrismas is
my two front teeth
yo wheres ya rhyme tell me Buckwheat.

[Buck wheat]
Buckwheat is a wascal
that stole Christmas
and all the toys, boys and girls
fuck ya wishes
I got happy overjoyed in
this muthafucka
no indo under my tree so
Santa be a sucka
??? when I was young I
was the only kid
who had enough guts to be
good ole hearin’ on the East
I’d stay awake just to
let america know
that Santa was a fake
I used to believe in
Saint Dick when Elvis
was alive
but all that fuckin’
bullshit got played when
I was five
years old just a young bull titan
singin’ Silent Night,
Carolin’ Recitin’
now all I want for Chrismas
is my endo wreath
I got my two front teeth
uncle Eazy be the ????
just spread me a leaf
little kids don’t cry
when you find out Santa
Claus is just a fuckin’
lie.

[Eazy-E]
On the first day of
Christmas my homeboys
gave to me
three pounds of indo
two birds of cocaine
and a A muthafuckin’ K bitch.

[]
Eazy-E oh Eazy-E
show us how you treat those bitches
I saw mommy fuckin’ Eazy Claus.

[Eazy-E]
close the door little bitch
Or get these drawers.

[]
I’m a tell my daddy if
ya ass don’t stop.

[Eazy-E]
I don’t give a fuck
I’m gettin’ Christmas cock
ho ho ho and away I go.

[]
Oh Saint Nick’s got a dick like a pole
well wheres my shit
This mother fucker’s cheap

[Eazy-E]
Shut the fuck up bitches
and go back to sleep.

[]
Yo black what you want for Christmas?
yo black I want a job
??? corn on the cob
but a nigga will eat them chicken, and
chitlens, watermelon, corn
bread and some food
who’s climbin’ into my window
smokin’ that indo
my carin’ and high make a high know
Yo yo get out my fuckin’
yard with your carols
Yo black what you want for Christmas?
yo black I want some cash
so I can buy some indo,
chronic and some hash.

[]
a rump pa pum pum
a rump pa pum pum

[Every One]
Merry Muthafuckin’ Christmas
Merry Muthafuckin’ Christmas
Merry Muthafuckin’ Christmas
and have a fucked up new year (x4)

[Eazy-E]
You
Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!

[Mother]
And they all went to prison
and lived fucked up lives ever after
The End

Ten Reasons Gay Marriage is Un-American

Pepperoni Pizza — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:07:16 +0000

I saw this posted on a BBS — there was no attribution.

Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

I stole this article from here.

Massacre at Mumbai

Pepperoni Pizza — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:03:25 +0000

Cornfield Love

Pepperoni Pizza — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:37:47 +0000

I learned to fuck from my cousin Fran, when I was 18. She was a year younger than me, and lived on a farm in Northern Wisconsin. I had been visiting this farm, every year, since I was about 12, but as Fran and I grew older, we developed a fond friendship, and in our teenage years we began to talk about boyfriends and girlfriends and sex. And we’d fool around with each other sometimes, out in the huge cornfield behind their house.

She was always trying to grab my crotch and lots of times I’d grab her from behind and massage her boobs, through her blouse, as they developed. When I was 17 and she was 16, she talked me into showing her my penis, and when I took it out it got really hard as she examined it, sitting there between the high stalks of corn. She also showed me her vagina,and let me touch it and sort of finger her.

But, we never had sex, much as we’d have liked to do so.

When I was 18, she wrote to me in the early Spring, and told me that when I came in June, to bring some condoms, as she had “something special” for me this year. Of course I knew what she meant, and so I managed to get a box of a dozen, through a friend of mine,and I packed them in my suitcase. The second day I was there, Fran asked me to go out to the cornfield with her, and when we were well into the standing stalks, she took off her T-shirt and I saw the two most beautiful breasts I’d ever seen. Not too small and not to big. Just right — full and firm, with nice erect nipples.

I got an immediate hard-on.

Then she took off her jeans and laid them on the ground. She had no panties on either, I saw this absolutely beautiful bush between her legs. She told me to get naked,too, which I did, and then she helped me roll a condom onto my ragingingly stiff cock, and she laid down. She said she wanted foreplay before we fucked, and so I laid down and started to kiss her on the mouth. Then I went to those gorgeous breasts and started kissing them from every side and taking her firm nipples between my lips, and sucking lightly on them with my mouth. She went absolutely wild! As I slowly descended down the rest of her body — her stomach, her belly button, her thighs, kissing her slowly and deliberately, she got very anxious, until finally she said –”Oh God, Rob, let’s do it. I want you to fuck me right now!” And so I did, very slowly and deliberately entering her vagina, inch by inch, thrust by thrust. She winced slightly as I broke her maidenhead, but then she, too, began to thrust upward into my penis, and we were soon rocking together in slow motion, enjoying every movement of our bodies.

She was so nice and tight. Her vaginal muscle just seemed to grasp my penis from every side as I slid up and down in her beautiful body. After perhaps ten minutes or so, I began to ejaculate. It was an absolutely great feeling, as my sperm erupted into the condom, and knowing that I was actually inside this beautiful, gorgeous girl.

“Oh, Oh, this is so wonderful,” Fran said. “Let’s never stop.”

Of course, we did have to stop eventually. We were out there probably an hour or so that first day. I used 2 of the twelve condoms I brought. We buried them in the dirt so no one would find them if someone came wandering down that particular row. I was there two weeks that Summer, and I used the entire box of twelve. The last day I was there, we wanted to fuck again, so badly, but the condoms were gone, so I talkled Fran into giving me a blow-job — something she’d never done before. But, even though it was her first time, she did a perfect job. The next Summer I went back for the last time, and we used two boxes of 12 that year. It was our last time together.I was off to college after that, and so was she. We wrote for awhile, but then she got married and I got married, and we didn’t see a lot of each other after that. But, everytime I drive by a cornfield, I think about my first fuck with Fran and the many times after that, we were pumping our bodies together under the warm Wisconsin sun, there amidst the cornstalks. It was a first time for both of us, and it was a tremendous experience. My wife, after we got married, often would say to me,” Where did you ever learn to fuck like that?” I would just smile, but I never told her.

P.S. I got a notice through the mail the other day that we are having a family reunion is July, and it will be held at Fran’s parents farm. Do you suppose we’d dare to try again after all these years? I am thinking about it.

———-

Taken from here.

Tampons: A New, Dangerous Way For Teenage Girls To Drink

Pepperoni Pizza — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:12:09 +0000

Taken from here.

By Maria Castro

Milagros Rios, a 35-year-old waitress and single mother of two in New York City, thought she’d seen it all. But when she walked into her bathroom about a year ago to find her 18-year-old daughter Nicole laying down on the floor and sleeping with a battle of vodka and a box of tampons in her hand, it was a sight she’d never envisioned.

Nicole had been experimenting for the third time that year with a new method to become intoxicated. She had soaked tampons in vodka and then introduced them into her anus and vagina as though she were having her period, in the usual manner. She claimed her body absorbed the alcohol faster that way than if she had drank it. Soon enough, she lost control and couldn’t even make it back to her bedroom. She did it to avoid having the smell of alcohol on her breath.

“I didn’t want to ruin my minty breath,” she remembered sarcastically about her first time using the method. “I was worried about getting home smelling like beer and mom flipping on me, but I wanted to get a booze, so I did it.”

Both Milagros and her daughter, now 19, prefer to remain anonymous; their names in this article have been changed. They say it would be embarrassing if neighbors and other family members found out about her experiment gone wrong. But while some believe media attention to this problem could serve to promote it, Milagros thinks it’s important that parents become alerted to this unusual way of “drinking.”

One teenage girl, who’d previously described using the tampon method during an interview about her gang affiliation, declined to comment when asked specifically to talk about tampons and vodka. She said it was something she didn’t feel comfortable discussing, although she acknowledged having seen it done at house parties and dance clubs in New York City.

One of Nicole’s friends, La Chula–as she introduced herself and who taught Nicole how to use “drunk tampons”–said the method is very common in Barranquilla, Colombia, her hometown. Oxford University scientific journals first reported this practice of alcohol consumption in the 1990s; by 1999, in the Oxford University Journal, the Medical Council on Alcoholism mentioned this method as “one of the unusual routes of alcohol ingestion that have been reported.”

Although some gynecologists doubt it has achieved the status of a trend–no hard research data exists to support the idea of one–many agree that it can be an efficient way to get drunk fast. “Yes, alcohol and other substances can be absorbed from the thin and vascular mucosa of vagina and rectum,” said Dr. Sorosh Roshan, a Board Certified Obstetrician and Gynecologist who maintained a private practice for more than thirty years in Summit, New Jersey and who is currently President of the International Health Awareness Network.

“It’s also true that the effect is faster than drinking, because the substance immediately enters the circulation by fast absorption into the vascular mucosa, not through stomach and dilution with gastric fluids,” Roshan added.

Although tampons are designed to retain liquids, they’re also used to deliver medications in the vagina, particularly among patients with vaginal infections or patients who may develop cancerous cells in the uterus.

“Tampons, as any other material has only a certain level of absorbency and when that level of absorbency is saturated, the excess substance in it will be released and absorbed by the surrounding tissue,” said Andrea Villegas, a patient being treated by gynecologist Mario Chaparro, in New York City, with tampons soaked in Aldara, a medication used to treat skin cells that can become cancerous, among other illnesses.

The use of tampons soaked in vodka to become intoxicated appears to have been out in the open for at least three years and it has been spreading quickly throughout Europe and the United States.

In the United States, the most notable reference is a popular song released in 2003 called “Band Camp” by Georgia folk singer and song-writer Vic Chesnutt. In the song, Chesnutt details a teenage infatuation , and tells of a girl getting drunk by wearing to school a vodka-soaked tampon: “Once you soaked a tampon in some serious vodka, wore it to school, second period science lab, you feel right off your stool.”

The University of Bristol organized several seminars in 2002 on “Alcohol, Education and Young People.” The topics included young females inserting tampons soaked in alcohol, and young people injecting alcohol. DrugScope, a Ukrainian non-governmental organization working with the Economic and Social Council of the United Nations, has also begun investigating the matter.

Meanwhile, Nicole continues to struggle with alcohol and life in general. After her mother busted her in the bathroom that night, she called the Alcoholics Anonymous offices in Manhattan, to make her mother feel better; but she never went. She said she hates to put her mother through this, because she doesn’t deserve it. One way or another, Nicole always ends up hanging out with the same people and doing the same things she’s been doing since that day at a house party where her best friend, La Chula, thought her how to use “drunk tampons.”

“I don’t know if I got used to them, messed up myself down there, or if my dependency has grown so big that I feel no pain anymore,” Nicole said. “It does make me feel disgusted with myself though, when I am sober.”

La Chula, on the other hand, said people shouldn’t be so alarmed about it.

“It doesn’t really matter how it gets in,” she said. “Alcohol in your system is alcohol in your system. El fin justifica los medios, which means, the aim justifies the means.”

email: mac2139@columbia.edu

I don’t know if this is true or not but OMG WTF.

tweak of the week

Grey Poopon — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:43:17 +0000

This chick’s totally e-barfing. No srsly.

Photo courtesy of Facebook lurking.

Finally!

Pepperoni Pizza — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 01:02:59 +0000

November 4, 2008. A day to remember. A black man is decisively elected as the next president of the United States.

I’m guessing a woman president to be the next big political milestone, then maybe a Latino after that. After all that, maybe…. just maybe, we’ll see an Asian in the White House.

Keeping hope alive for an Asian president by 2250.