We walk like zombies to the waterfront or the park and take off most, if not all, of our clothes.  Then we just lay down together, on the sand or the grass.  We just lay there, in close proximity to complete strangers and perverts.  We lay there totally vulnerable to anyone and anything.  Some of us even take naps.  So it’s basically communal naptime.  We’re a bunch of fucking cats all of a sudden.

And then we complain.  ‘Omg it’s so fucking hot!’ we say.

What compels us to nap together by the waterfront?  Are we addicted to the Vitamin D recharge?  Is it the fact that tanned skin is considered more sexually attractive in our culture, and we are peacocking to one another in our bikinis and speedos?  Like, ‘hey! look at my bulge and my rippling muscles enhanced by my sun-kissed skin!’   Is it evolutionary behaviour?  Tanned chicks probably get laid more.

I’m pasty white.  The old Asian lady who collects bottles and cans in our neighbourhood nearly fainted at the sight of me when I came outside to bring her our empties.  I swear she wanted to make a shrine to my  skin.  Asians are kinda weird about their skin whitening obsession.  I guess it means I am like royalty and not like those deeply tanned rice field workers.  Weird how we’re obsessed with darkening our skin in North America.

My mom and her friends are always commenting on my perfect white skin.  I guess its because they came from an era where basting yourself in baby oil and frying in the sun all day while chain smoking was the thing to do.

People still tan a lot now… some even until they are orange!  But more and more people are becoming paranoid about carcinogens.  Everything causes cancer.  Deodorant causes cancer, tanning causes cancer, smoking causes cancer, talking on cell phones causes cancer, drinking out of plastic cups causes cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer.  If everything is so bad for us, then how come older generations who had no clue about this shit are still alive and kicking?!

Personally, I’d like to know who wants to live until they are 100 anyway?  My friend said she is pulling her own plug as soon as she loses the ability to make it to a toilet before her ass starts leaking.